Dating and a homeless boyfriend

August 20, 2009

Dating and a homeless boyfriend
by Maureen “MO” Whelan
Sunday, March 23, 2008

I’m at the age where people tell me I should “settle down”, find a “nice boyfriend” get “good husband” and that I should “breed.” I live in a town filled with “single” people who work their asses off to pay the bills and party at the coolest clubs, who have “issues,” are worried about their looks and status among others, everyone’s too busy to interact with one another and get to know each other as a person. The only interaction people seem to have now days with one another upon introduction is sex.

So, this makes me think to myself where would I find this new boyfriend / husband / breeding partner?

1. Meet a guy through a friend. Some think this is a good idea, but what if he doesn’t work out? Just ’cause you get along with your friend doesn’t mean you’ll get along with their friend. I’d feel bad sticking my friend in the middle of some guy’s drama.

2. At the gym. I did this once, dated a guy I meet at the gym. We had nothing in common, I broke it off and it took months to get rid him.

3. Date an “old friend.” I tried this a couple of times, didn’t work out and fucked up the friendships. Guess we were friends for a reason…

4. Meet a guy at a bar or club. Usually it’s too loud to talk and get details about one another. Not to mention most of the boys that hit on me are 10 years younger than I am. Sure younger boys are cute for a while but…. We usually don’t have anything in common, just alcohol.

5. Through a family member. Now that’s just a bad idea!

6. Through work. Tried this too and usually that’s all we have in common is work so all of our conversations end up being about work. Boring…

7. Shopping. I love it when a good guy friend can tell me what looks good on me. Guy’s tend to be more honest than girlfriends. But if a guy I just meet at a shoe store tells me I look good in my gold lamee shoes, than that’s a big red flag for “gay!” I already have a gay boyfriend, he’s Michael and he’s all the gay man I need.

8. Museum. LACMA is a great museum to visit. I love running around and seeing what new stuff they’ve brought in but I have absolutely no desire to stand around and discuss why an artist used a certain brush stroke to express his internal emotional burdens. I like deep guys, but not that kinda deep. Hahaha!

9. Car shows. Ya, I love a guy with a nice supped up car or truck, that I can talk shop with from time to time but usually the car is more interesting than the guy. And since I can’t take the car home, why would I take the guy?

10. School… Ya…. I could always take another class to meet a boy, but that is what I’d meet, a starry eyed young boy, whose parents are paying his way through college. Hummm… Think I’ll pass… I’m not much of a Suga Mumma!

So, one last resort my friends have mentioned is to find a homeless boy. We’ve all seen them roaming the street of Hollywood Blvd. Some of these boys are runaways from broken homes, or came here to be an actor or musician, came for the Hollywood broken dream and now they have no where to go. They ask for money as you walk by, staring into your eyes with their big brown glazed over eyes from being drunk and high all day. Some of them are actually kind of cute and I can’t help but feel for them. If I have food I’ll feed them, an extra dollar I’ll give it to them. You almost want to just take them home and take care of them. I could find the cutest one, take him home, hose him off, chop off his hair, give him fresh new cloths, send him to the clinic for his shots and check up, get him spayed and keep him at home for my very own. I’d just have to leave food and water for him in the morning. I’d come home, pet him, love him, and play with him for a bit. He’d be so appreciative because he’d been starving for food and attention for weeks, maybe years. But, then he’d want more and more attention and get needier as the days pass. He’d be all up in my face, attached to my hip, fat from eating all my food, and breaking my piggy bank from wanting more and more toys, gifts, and cloths. I’d come home from a late night of parting and he’d just be sitting on my couch crying and whinny wanting more attention because I was gone all day. I’d be bitter because I lost my freedom to play and do what I want, I’d have to report to someone else, I’d be broke from paying my bills and his. I’d just be stuck with some lazy, boring, broke assed fat dude whom I’d have nothing in common with. All this just because I gave into the social pressures of having to “settle down” after turning 30 and just settling for some guy who I thought I could change into my match. Reality check! You can’t make someone like you, and you can’t change a person into someone you want. Everything happens for a reason, fate has it destination and when the time is right, your match will come.

But for now… I’m having a blast being single and enjoying my friends, family, co-workers and life. 30 is the new 20 baby!

Party on friends!

© Mo Whelan



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