Things I’ll Miss About Living in Hollywood

April 30, 2014

Paying over a grand for a tiny studio apartment when you can rent a house for the same amount in a city that’s an hour away.

Commuting an hour + to a job I dislike just to pay rent for my tiny apartment in Hollywood.

Gazing at the Hollywood Hills from my apartment window knowing I will never be able to afford a house in the Hills.Image

Working with people who have no clue what they are doing and can’t even type with both hands.

Working with chauvinistic men, cocky young dudes who just started working in the industry a year ago and are now underpaid managers, or caddy women who blew some dude to get the job.

Meeting young dudes that just got into the entertainment industry who try to one up me or name drop. I’m much older and have more work experience than they do but they know everything about the film biz, and they shook a celebrity’s hand at an event so they’re now BFF’s. I worked at DreamWorks Animation, Jeffrey Katzenberg would always say ‘Hi’ when I passed him in a hallway or saw him at an event. Does he know my name? Probably not.

The sounds of sirens throughout the night: Kind of like nightingales chirping you to sleep but less comforting.

Police helicopters fluttering over the apartment building, shinning lights through the window and rattling the building. They’re always looking for a suspect that robbed, stabbed, or killed someone and it always seems to be in the back yard.

Coming home to the street blocked off and cops crawling all over the area: You’re tired, all you want to do is sleep but some ahole had to shoot and kill someone or a car chase just ended by a suspect plowing their car into a parked car, you’re screwed and go to a bar for a drink.

Not being able to leave the apartment or get to a location because streets are blocked off for an event; Film premiere, Oscars, benefit run, protest, or Christmas parade.

Image

Dodging dog or human sh*t on the sidewalk: The streets in Hollywood are stacked with apartments so people have to walk their dogs so they can sh*t, unfortunately, a lot of owners don’t clean up after their pets. The human sh*t well…

Dodging cockroaches on the sidewalk at night: They like to chase you and try running into your shoe when you walk around the streets. I wish they’d just find a warehouse to hangout in like the big cockroach in Mimic.

Almost tripping over a homeless person or stepping on their home on the sidewalk: There are a lot of homeless people residing in Hollywood. Some came to the city for a dream and lost it, some are addicted to drugs, and some are just crazy. The city really needs to help these people.

IMG_56840642585675

Image

Homeless people barking at you like stray dogs for money because they’re hungry, need booze or need to shoot up some more drugs because they’re coming down. I’m hungry too, therefore, I will take my dollar and buy myself an item off a fast food dollar menu. Or, I’ll invest my dollar into buying a bottle of booze.

Homeless people yelling in the streets at their invisible friend.

Shopping for free stuff on the sidewalk or street.  People are always loosing shoes, sometimes you’ll find a matching pair.  You can also find furniture that lazy people leave on the sidewalk in hopes someone else will take it.

IMG_56940280525128

IMG_20140430_221622

Paying $20 for a tiny meal that you could have cooked at home for half the price and have leftovers.

Getting the runs after eating the tiny $20 meal you just ate. Now you have to rush home and call in sick to work the next morning. No one ever believes you have food poisoning; they just think you drank too much because you live in Hollywood.

Paying $14 – $17 for a Jack and Coke when you could buy a whole bottle of Jack on sale at Rite Aid or Walgreens.

Meeting a guy at a bar and having him expect you to go home with him even after you’ve bought your own drink.

Dating a commitment phobic guy that has more issues than you but you’re not dating, you’re just friends.

Becoming friends with a girl who ends up just being a ‘party’ friend: A few months later you find out she’s a hooker and now you know how she pays her bills and why she disappears with guys at a club.

Meeting an actor, producer, filmmaker, guitar player or singer. Like I don’t know enough of them all ready and now days if I hear ‘indie’ I think, ‘Oh, so you’re broke too.”

Meeting a music producer at a club; I think they’re all music producers at the club.

People that hike Runyun Cannon because cause it’s trendy.

Transplants and out-of-towner’s who think they’re too cool because they’re partying in Hollywood.

Going to a club one night and the next night it has a new name and is the new ‘hot spot’ with a new door guy that hates everyone but likes the hoes.

Girls dressing like hookers to get into clubs. I’m guilty for having these kind of dresses because I played an escort in ‘Client 14.’

Image

Feeling like I have to starve myself to keep up with the girls ‘trying to be discovered’ by starving themselves, vomiting up their meals, becoming addicted to diet pills or meth. I like food.

Red carpet events; A person had to have done something special in the industry to get on the red carpet. Now a red carpet is just an excuse to make an event look special.

Guys that get mad at me at a club because I won’t go home with them the night I meet them. There’s a hooker waiting for you in the corner, go ask her.

Group fights at a club or bar; what ever happened to one-on-one fights?

Missing being in the bullet path of a drive by shooting and thinking ‘If I left just a few minutes earlier…’ There has been a few drive by’s in the past few months. People are going crazy.

Image

The TMZ Tour bus; No…

IMG_56787261543195

But most of all I’ll miss the hot LAPD cops from the Wilcox station and the hot firemen.

Image

 

 

Advertisements

One Response to “Things I’ll Miss About Living in Hollywood”


  1. Ah… there must have SOME good times?!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: